Say goodbye to your dick mate.

Sometimes, we realise our mates are dicks.

The day I realised one of my mates was a dick, I went on a journey of feeling sad and embarrassed, to feeling empowering because I was about to cut some very acidic fuckery outta my diet.

I think having a mate that’s a dick can be quite destructive. Because when your mate’s a dick, they’re not 100% asshole, which you’d detect right away. Instead, a dick just pokes away at you, preventing you from ever reaching your full potential like that time my tulips didn’t bloom fully. And I want you to bloom every season of your life (no matter how filthy the dirt.)

When you cut a dick out of your life, I believe you create space for other, more fulfilling things. You’re in complete control of the hole that’s left behind, which is dope and thrilling. So, here is a list of very dick-ish traits which might help identify a big dick in your life that needs some deep, deep consideration.

[Side note: I’m totally guilty of these traits at times. But I work really hard to not be a dick. Even though life is hard and sometimes you have to be a hard dick too.]

Is Zone vers.
This means they choose to swing between friend-zone and sexual partner-zone. It’s a dick move because the subtext is, “I think you have a thing for me, and I’m gonna abuse that power because my dad didn’t love me.”

Believes in the silent treatment.
Listen, an adult person who can’t communicate with their friends about the ups and downs in the relationship really needs to reach for the steering wheel and get a fucking grip. It’s not only cowardly and childish, but the hallmark of a person who has been gaslighting people since way before he could do it with his sexuality.

Fucks indiscriminately into the crowd.
There are men in this world who do not consider anyone off limits.
To him, it’s like everyone was wearing a chic Nike tank top at the gym because my buddy would just do it. And a man’s inability to respect his friends’ boundaries is so not what Nike is about, bro.   

Is never wrong because you’re always wrong.
I knew my friend was a particularly big weenie when I reflected on years of friendship and realised that he has never, ever apologised for anything. I’m sorry, but that’s so bent.   

Wants you to be something other than the trash that you are.
I firmly believe a mate shouldn’t tell you how to be, they should just enjoy you for who you are. Loving someone because they’re odd is cool and empowering. I often hear people complain that someone’s too moody or too immature, and my response is usually like, “yeah, that’s what I like about them.” If you don’t like someone because they’re too something, then don’t be mates with them. Don’t hang around making them feel ashamed of their peculiarity.

And no one deserves a friend who makes them feel ashamed.

Is possessive and has a double standard about it.
There are a couple dudes like this around. They don’t want you touching their things (friends, crushes, potential crushes, FWB) but they are happy to get all up in yours.
It’s about crossing boundaries in search of validation, ya feel.

I hope you don’t have a mate who’s a dick. And if you do, I hope you have the confidence to be the moyle of your own destiny and snip them away.